So, I don't know if you've come across either of these blog posts in
your social media wanderings. I came across and read both after my Facebook
friends posted them. If you haven't read them, here are the links if you’d like to.
I started with the one addressed to me. I am a teenage girl, so Mrs.
Hall's letter struck a chord with me. I thought she brought up some excellent
points, and most importantly I thought she expressed her love for her children
AND the teenage girls in her boys' lives. I wasn't bothered by any of it.
And then I read the second one. The blogger, Beth, was sincerely
bothered by Mrs. Hall's post. Like Mrs. Hall, I thought she brought up some
good points, and her love for her children was extremely evident.
But I thought she missed the point.
I know I don't have children, and I'm not a mother, and maybe I don't
understand. But I am a teenage girl with best friends who are teenage girls and
teenage boys. Plus, I have grown up in the social media age. So I'd like to
share some thoughts I had after reading these posts and others about this
topic:
1. Second Chances on Social Media
Something that came up in both Mrs. Hall's and Beth's posts were
second chances. Mrs. Hall stated, "And so, in
our house, there are no second chances with pics like that, ladies. We have a
zero tolerance policy." Which was a point Beth strongly disagreed
with, her letter to her daughter stated "And you, baby girl, have infinite
chances for grace and redemption and relationship and community and wholeness
and LOVE." Now, I don't delete my friends who post things that could be
deemed inappropriate, but I would also say there will be no second chances
with social media. NONE. If you post an inappropriate or compromising
picture- even once, even if you take it down- it will never go away. That
is the nature of the internet, once its there it will always be there; when you
apply for a job, when you're running for office, and when you wish people to
think of you as anything but that. So, in reply to both Mrs. Hall and Beth, I
say, we have infinite chances through the Atonement to repent and change our
lives, but we only have one chance on the Internet. One. Because even if
we change, the pictures will not.
2. Do girls control boys’ thoughts?
This was another point brought up by both bloggers. Mrs.
Hall warned, “Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of
undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only
think of you in this sexual way, do you?” Beth argued, “Although
men certainly retain memories of seeing exciting things – “like I’ll never
forget seeing my first Ferarri!” he said – it’s demeaning to men of any age
to presume they can only see a woman as a sexual object once they’ve
seen her in a state of undress, and 2) This shifts an unreasonable burden of
responsibility to young women for ensuring men don’t view them sexually.” I
agree. With both of them. As women, we are not responsible for the thoughts of
the men and boys in our lives. That is their responsibility. However, the way
we dress advertises something, even if it is unconsciously done, and we are responsible for what we advertise.
You can’t be offended when people assume that you are selling the same thing
you are advertising. And so you can’t blame men for thinking of women in a
sexual way when women are dressed sexily. That’s what the adjective means!
Continuing on, once a man has seen a woman in “a state of undress” he can think of her as something other than
that, but it will take time. And it
will be difficult. And there will always be those boys who don’t care to make
the effort.
3. "Slut-shaming"
Please understand that I hate the s-word written above. It is NOT used
in my vocabulary and won't be used again in this post. But, I also hate the
fact that this term is thrown out as soon as someone mentions that a girl's
actions might be inappropriate. I first came across this term shortly
after Miley Cyrus's performance at the VMAs. (Which I haven't seen.) I agree
that we shouldn't judge or condemn others for their actions, but I think
we can judge the action itself. This is an important distinction. We can
love the person, but hate the choice/action. I think too many people
overlook this difference, and by so doing perpetuate a society in which overt
sexuality is the norm; and that's not okay!
To whoever may be reading
this:
Women & Girls, please
be classy and modest. That doesn’t mean frumpy or unfashionable or even covered
up, necessarily. It means dress/post/act in a way you would be proud to have
your parents/friends/employer/husband/entire world see. Realize that you are more than a
sexual object, and you are of more worth than a couple “likes” that come from a
picture of you in a towel. Act like it. Don’t cave to the overt sexuality in
our society. Be different. Be great.
Men & Boys, please
remember that women are of infinite and eternal worth no matter how they act, what they wear, or what they say or post.
Please treat them this way, and encourage those around you to do so. When your
buddies start talking about a girl in a degrading way, imagine they’re talking
about your sister/cousin/niece/mother/best girl friend. Would you still be okay
with it? As a girl, I hope that boys don’t talk about me that way, and I think
you’d be surprised by how many girls agree with me.
Parents, raise daughters
and sons who value themselves and the opposite sex as more than objects. Raise
them to be respectful. And always remind them of how much you love them. That
alone can make a world of difference.
Well, if you made it this
far, thanks for reading my rant. Maybe you got something out of it, maybe you
didn’t. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading!
Faith, trust, and pixie
dust
-McKenna
Awesome! I had already read both of these posts and I think you nailed it. I especially loved your first point. This was quote worthy:
ReplyDelete"I say, we have infinite chances through the Atonement to repent and change our lives, but we only have one chance on the Internet. One. Because even if we change, the pictures will not."
Brilliant.